It begins...

So...welcome to my BLARG! I know what you're thinking. "Lish, honestly, no one cares what's bumbling around in what you rather loosely call a brain. Also, it's called a blog. Now, get into your corner and think about what you've done."
  First of all, that's rather mean. What have I ever done to you? You know, besides starting a blog. Still, let's play nice.
  Second, it's true. All of it*. But, and with me there almost always is one, there is method to my madness**. First, the whole "blarg" thing. Yes, it's a blog, but unless a blog is done particularly well and with some skill, I generally find them to be little more than word vomit. Now, there are some good blogs out there. My friend Abby has a great blog that she uses to keep in contact with far flung friends and family (she moves a lot) and as a forum to work on her poetry. And I love me some Abby poetry. Allie has a great blog that routinely makes me choke with laughter. It can be rather embarrassing, actually, and I've had to stop reading it while other people are present. I have very little dignity left and I'd like to keep it.
  These are good blogs. Mine is going to be more like word vomit and, said right, blarg sounds just like someone praying to the porcelain god. Also, I like to yell, "blaaaarg!" in a pirate voice. Now, how did I make this magic happen? Well, via smoke signals and carrier pigeons*** I contacted Aaron, who as far as I am concerned is ALL MIGHTY KING OF THE INTERWEBS! And I said, "Oh mighty king, heareth my prayer." And he said, "Spit it out Lish, I'm really busy." (I'm paraphrasing.) So I said, "Okay then, can you make my blog say "blarg" instead?" And then it just HAPPENED. He is worth his weight in chickens****.
  So...blogs. I'm still torn about the whole thing. I read author blogs, but I still can't wrap my head around the idea that anyone would want to hear about what I'm doing. It doesn't really matter. You're stuck with me now. 
Mu ah ha ha ha!
*Except you being mean. I'm sure you're a very nice person who recycles all the time, sends thoughtful and well written thank you notes, and volunteers at orphanages or something.
**This is an incorrect statement. Usually, there's just madness and very little method. And tacos. Lots and lots of tacos.
***emails and chat, with occasional texting.
****I'm trying to get us back to the barter system. I want to pay for everything in waffles and chickens, which I think would make ordering waffles very, very complicated. Anyway, I'm also trying to bring back the custom of bride price, namely paying your intended's family what you think your new wife's worth would be in goods. It seems more straightforward than an engagement ring. I would pay for my boyfriend using miniature animals because I think they're cute. This really has nothing to do with Aaron, except for the fact that I'm not sure what he'd do with all his chickens and waffles since he lives in an apartment.